Darren Hoyland - Blog

It's Hammer Time

This morning, Marj somehow managed to pull off the amazing feat of locking her keys inside the car with the engine running. To be fair, it wasn't her fault, the door locking mechanism has started to become buggered of late, and as it was snowing this morning*, she wanted to warm the engine to melt the ice before she went to work. So she started the engine, closed the door, then came back inside for a few minutes. When she went back out, the door was locked. This meant that at the obscene hour of 7am on a saturday morning, I was marched outside in my dressing gown, in the snow, and ordered to make it open within the next 5 seconds as she was already late.

The car is a Renault Clio, so its got a button which unlocks all of the doors by the gear-stick. We managed to thread a coat hanger through the door, but we only had the one and there was no way it would reach. Next up we went for the driver's side door lock pressy thing - you know the one. Anyway, it looks like that was specifically designed so that if you did manage to get a coar hanger in, there was nothing to hook it around. At this point, Marjie's jumping up and down with a manic look in her eyes (She doesn't like being late). This made me worried, and so I went in to get the hammer.

I put an old tee shirt over the rear corner window and gave it what can only be described as a almighty twat.

Nothing happened.

Okay, try harder, I swung back and with all available force and hit it again.


Finally, having summonned the entire power of greyskull, I lifted the hammer up high and struck the window with a blow so mighty that would make the pagan god Thor look like Timmy Mallett.

Didn't even mark it.

I go in to get a bigger hammer and a pointy thing to put in between that and the window and at this point, Marj remembers we have Green Flag recovery cover. She gave 'em a ring and after an hour or so, the mechanic turns up to see the car sat in the only non-snowy patch of ground (at least that worked!) with a coat hanger still protruding from the top of it like a victim of a failed home abortion.

Fortunately, they said 'cos she's been a member for two years and hasn't used it yet, they'd do it for free. Free is significantly cheaper than the cost of replacing a window, so that was lucky, eh?

* - It's snowing!!! yey!

Darren Hoyland, Saturday 02 February, 2008
Tags: general mutterings, tales of ineptitude