Darren Hoyland - Blog


Last night was gay pride in Manchester. I would've expected floats for some reason, but it was in fact loud music and lights kept behind lots of fencing. That's fencing as in walls, not a mass of sword-fighting homosexuals. Just in case you were wondering. It looked fun.... in a gay kinda way.

As it happened, Marjie took me out for a chinese when she picked me up from the station and as we passed through the city centre we noticed a large quantity of hand-holding girls, men in tight white tee-shirts* and trans-sexuals. It still took a while to click - This IS Manchetser we're talking about here.

The reason Marj took me out was 'cos I've been working like a [PLACE WITTY NAME OF HARD WORKING THING HERE] towards this conference, and I've been fairly burned out, so as it happened, I wasn't up for a night out (I've since learned that we couldn't go anyway as you have to buy tickets a bit like glastonbury. So they're only proud of their well paid gays then?), but I said to Marj that it would be a laugh and under other circumstances and we should've gone. She said she'd been once or twice before and it was a hassle free night, so long as you could cope with the crazy shit going on around you (I'm paraphrasing, but you get the idea).

This promted the question, "Do you have any inklings towards that kind of thing".

"No", says I, "Unfortunately"

"Huh?" came the reply. So let me explain.

I'm not gay and don't want to be gay. (I'm not sure why I started this sentence with a disclaimer like that, but maybe I'm just too English for my own good sometimes) but I've always thought that bisexuals get the best deal. You can go straight for girls or you can go gay for men, you could even have both at the same time. Brilliant. When I think back to my single days, the amount of nights that I was lonely and/or bored and was out on the pull so that I could spend some time getting to know a complete stranger and nine times out of ten, I'd come back alone. Now I'm not a bad looking guy, but those are pretty crap statistics, especially when you consider that I'm quite picky about the girls I go for in the first place. If I was bi, there'd be twice the potential to go home with someone.

Actually, hang on. By following this line of reasoning, it would in fact be better just to have no standards at all and go for anyone... but then I wouldn't end up with the most perfect girl in the world as my girlfriend (aww). Hmmm, maybe I did good just the way I was.

Whatever, my point is that I've always been fairly liberal, and if I was gay, I'm the the kind of person who'd tell everybody! And that's how the world should be. It's a shame that so many people have to hide their true desires. I guess I should feel fortunate that I've never had to. The worst ones though, in my opinion, are those who are gay but pretend that they're not. I heard about this very influential, but mad as a badger American christian bloke who was preaching all this anti-homo bollocks and then he was caught with his pants down in a park with another guy. Not being one to be easily knocked down, I think the story goes that he said the devil was trying to corrupt him and he disappeared to some christian place for a couple of days and once he'd reemerged, he declared himeself "cured". What a shithead.

People like that go around preaching that "It's not natural" and "the bible says that it is wrong" and so it should be banned. Religion should be banned if you ask me - that's doing far more harm by the look of things. The thing that these nutjobs fail to see is that by their reckoning, love is unnatural too: From an evolutionary perspective, if its so prevalent in todays society and such a relatively high percentage of the population is gay (about the same proportion as those sinister left-handers** I think), then it must have conveyed a selective advantage to humanity in the past. We don't know what it is at the moment, but just because it doesn't directly lead to more babies doesn't mean to say it should immediately be proclaimed to be "unnatural". It may just be a biproduct (no pun intended) of something that is beneficial to our evolution, but don't let this fact devalue it. By the same logic, you could just as easily say that love is a biproduct of looking after the next generation, but now love has become something to live for in it's own right. It has become greater than its intended function and just because we know that it's not a divine gift from above, and instead is an evolutionary manipulation, doesn't stop us from enjoying the experience.

I may be mixing stories up here, but I think this is the guy who's considering running for US president. If that happens, the world is more fucked that is was the day they elected Bush in. I've always believed that if you're not honest with yourself, then it's going to bubble up to the surface in some other way. For this git, it probably emerges as a self-loathing and a loathing for anyone else who feels the same way. You can't suppress a squillion years of evolution, you can't suppress your natural desires without something untoward happening. You need to be open and honest with yourself. If this guy can't do that, what's he gonna be like when his fingers resting on that big red nuclear button (another crusade anyone?I fucking hate religion.)

No, it's things like this that convince me that the more honest and open you are, the more you'll enjoy life.

* - Someone once told me that the reason gay men were tight white tee-shirts is that when two men live together, neither knows how to operate the washing machine correctly, so they only buy white things, but then they shrink them. Plausible..

** - Didn't we try to burn a few of those in a witch hunt too?

Darren Hoyland, Saturday 25 August, 2007
Tags: manwhoring, festivals, religion, society, marjan, englishness, general mutterings, liberalism